- Mindfulness involves a quality of presence in our daily lives, and living with curiosity and intention.
- Letting go of self-judgment and judgment of others leads to compassion—an important aspect of mindfulness.
- Social comparison and competition can lead to loneliness, but there’s a better way.
The holidays are behind us. New Year’s resolutions may have been implemented, and some of us may be left wondering why life still feels arduous and draining at times.
You may feel as if you’re on an eternal treadmill of needing to prove your worthiness through what you accomplish, how you look, or the image you present to the outside world. In spite of all of this, you might long for a richer and deeper connection with people and the community you inhabit, and wonder: How do I get there? How can I find a sense of peace, serenity and unforced, authentic joy?
In a technological age that is increasingly fast-paced, with shifting values and priorities that may or may not resonate with the way we want to live our lives, it is possible to slow down and reset our minds while we shift our sails toward embodying and focusing on what is important.
Four Practical Habits to Weave Mindfulness Into Your New Year
1. More Balance, Less Hustle
Research shows that our circumstances and priorities evolve.1 In other words, there is no “achieving” life balance. It’s an ongoing practice.
In a series of interviews and research conducted by the Harvard Business Review, it was discovered that almost half of the working American population call themselves workaholics. About 1 in 5 say they check their emails in the middle of the night. Almost 6 in 10 say they check their emails first thing in the morning while still in bed. In all, 53% say they’re stressed out about work.2
We know that workaholism and personal overextension have been proven to negatively impact our physical and emotional health and well-being. Yet this treadmill of productivity continues to be normalized and celebrated in Western cultures. The inner message of “I must work and produce and hustle to prove my worth” is rampant. The only way to escape this mindset trap is to actively rail against it.
Becoming intentional about your values is a good place to start. Scheduling time for self-care, spending time with loved ones and for hobbies that bring you a sense of peace and joy provides a graceful exit ramp from the productivity treadmill to make space for the things that are life-giving. Priorities may need to shift, but creating a life of balance is crucial to well-being.
2. Less Judgment, More Curiosity
It’s not always easy to observe situations from an objective perspective. Many of us have been socialized to compartmentalize our beliefs into “right” or “wrong.” “good” or “bad.” “Desirable” or “undesirable.” Responding to feelings, thoughts or circumstances non-judgmentally is not as simple as “thinking positively” about them or finding a silver lining. Mindful self-compassion requires us to be curious about all the emotions and sensations that come up when faced with a learned, automatic belief system that may or may not serve us well. It’s more of an attempt to understand than to ascribe a value judgment.
I wonder why I usually feel down after spending time with this person. I notice that I feel more anxious when I spend a lot of time scrolling the internet, bombarded with information. I’m curious why I feel so drained sometimes. Why is that? What are the circumstances?Are there patterns of thinking or behaving that I should continue to be aware of? Anything I should change?
Studies have shown that learning to accept, rather than judge the thoughts, emotions and sensations that arise on a daily basis can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.3 Participants who rated highest on nonjudgmental thinking had lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress-related symptoms.
The ability to observe without judgment, attend to thoughts, feelings, perceptions, or sensations, and act with awareness and non-reactivity to inner experiences are the most important facets in predicting psychological well-being.4 This mindset applies to our tendencies to judge ourselves and others! As we become more curious, less judgmental, and more compassionate, the healthier we will be.
3. Less Striving, More Self-Acceptance
In a time when the internet seems to dictate what is “success,” and productivity and perfectionism are valued over integrity and connection, it is more important than ever to practice self-compassion in the form of non-striving. We are human beings, not human “doings,” and we all have an innate desire to be loved and accepted for who we are.
The Chinese art of Wu-Wei is a concept in Chinese philosophy that translates into “inaction” or “effortless action” and promotes inner harmony, stillness, and letting go of the need to control everything.5 Non-striving does not mean laziness or passivity. If you are aligned with your moral compass and make decisions from that space, you will be able to achieve what you desire without the exhaustion and misery that comes with constant striving.6
I think of non-striving a bit like learning to sail, with confidence in the winds to help propel us where we need to be. It’s a gentler, more trusting approach to life, as we see the world as a safe, friendly and buoyant place (as opposed to a competitive and demanding one). The more we trust ourselves and embrace our interdependence on one another, the more grace and ease we will find.
4. Less Comparison, More Authenticity
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And while he was certainly on-target with this statement in the early 1900s, the sentiment appears to be even more poignant now, in the digital age.
An article in Nursing Times shares that “Social comparison in the real world usually involves the self and a few others, while the digital universe of social media presents almost limitless potential for people to compare themselves against others.”7 It has now become common knowledge that increased social media use can exacerbate mental health symptoms such as depression and anxiety in teenagers, who are particularly susceptible to social comparison.
It’s not only young people who are impacted by social comparison. We’re bombarded with images throughout our lifespan that cause us to question ourselves, our image and our choices. Am I up on the latest fashion? Is my home decor en-vogue enough? Are my lifestyle choices considered cool anymore? The list of ways we engage in self-evaluation is endless. These thoughts are not only draining, but they employ a scarcity mindset that encourages endless consumption which can be harmful to the environment.
The push to buy more things, chase new trends, and keep up with the latest craze can feel like a treadmill with no end, especially in a time when we are are facing unprecedented levels of loneliness, longing to connect and be seen on a deeper level. As former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy stated, “In this time of loneliness, many people feel that they are struggling alone. And simply showing up—being present—is a lost art.”8
As is the case with any lost art, it is our right and our duty to reclaim it. Showing up for one another with our truest, most authentic selves is a gift that the world is waiting for. We have nothing to prove. The gift of our presence isn’t a hard one to offer, we just need the right mindset.
References
[1] Lupu, L, and Luiz-Castro, M. Work-Life Balance is a Cycle, Not an Achievement. Harvard Business Review. January 29th, 2021. https://hbr.org/2021/01/work-life-balance-is-a-cycle-not-an-achievement.
[2] Smith, K. About 50% of Americans say they’re workaholics; here’s how to get your work-life balance back. WKYZ Detroit. January 24th, 2021. https://www.wxews/about-50-of-americans-say-theyre-workaholics-heres-ho…
[3] The Impact of Judgmental Thinking on Your Anxiety and Depression. Mentalhelp.net. https://www.mentalhelp.net/depression/judgmental-thinking-and-anxiety/
[4]Daphne M. Davis, PhD, and Jeffrey A. Hayes, PhD. What are the Benefits of Mindfulness? July/August 2012. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner
[5], [6]Bartlett, C. Wu Wei: 4 Ways to Use the Art of Non-Striving to Transform Your Stress into Stillness. Learning Mind. April 2022. https://www.learning-mind.com/wu-wei-tips-stress-non-striving/
[7] Warrander, D. & Milne, R. How Use of Social Media and Social Comparison Affect Mental Health. Nursing Times. February 24th, 2020. https://www.nursingtimes.net/news/mental-health/how-use-of-social-media…
[8] Former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy: Loneliness Is A Public Health Crisis. WBUR. March 23,2020. https://www.wbur.org/onpoint/2020/03/23/vivek-murthy-loneliness