Not all trauma can heal, but it doesn’t have to control you.
KEY POINTS
- Unprocessed trauma can result from any event that makes someone feel threatened or in danger.
- Symptoms of unprocessed trauma often emerge in disruptive physical, emotional, or psychological symptoms.
- Steps to heal unprocessed trauma include breaking the silence and gathering support.
It’s hard to imagine a life that trauma hasn’t touched.
The trauma of loss and injury. The trauma of social pain, such as bullying or racism. The trauma of financial hardship or rejection. The list goes on and on.
How do you heal trauma? What’s the process for letting go of such deep wounds?
Trauma imprints
Years ago, I was driving to a barbecue on a sunny Memorial Day, chatting with my wife and kids, looking forward to my brother’s cooking, when the driver of an 18-wheeler, busy texting his girlfriend, rear-ended us.
Through the shattered windshield, I could see that the sun was still shining. But our beloved Honda minivan, a featured player in many happy family memories, lay on its side at the bottom of a ravine.
Remarkably, we only suffered bruises and aches. But to this day, when I’m driving on the highway and a truck passes me, my heart beats faster, and I feel panic in the pit of my stomach.
That’s the imprint of trauma: an event makes you feel threatened or in danger and overwhelms you with panic and fear.
It doesn’t matter if the danger is real or imagined. The feelings left behind by trauma won’t be reasoned with. Trauma is immune to logic.
What is unprocessed trauma?
Whatever the traumatic event, one thing is for sure—it was painful and felt threatening. For this reason, you may rush to move on, bury it, or push it out of your awareness.
Suppressing the trauma isn’t necessarily problematic. You may not be ready to deal with it. Also, there are times when the mind protects you from the trauma and defends against it by rewriting or even deleting the memory entirely until you’re ready to face it.
Symptoms of unprocessed trauma frequently emerge as:
- Physical symptoms: heart palpitations, sweating, or shaking
- Emotional symptoms: panic, feeling trapped or terrified
- Psychological symptoms: avoidance of situations that trigger the trauma
Healing unprocessed trauma
Here’s the rude truth: Not all trauma can be resolved. However, it’s possible to manage and lessen the symptoms of trauma so it no longer controls you.
When you’re ready to deal with the trauma directly, you may experience the following signs:
1. Recovered memories. Sometimes, fragments of memories of the trauma begin to emerge—bits and pieces of the event that have yet to be unpacked.
2. An increase in disruptive emotions. You may experience spikes in anxiety, in addition to difficulty sleeping, nightmares, nervousness, OCD, self-isolating, or depression behaviors.
3. A yearning to talk. After a while, you may suddenly want to talk about the trauma. Talking about it is relieving as you release pent-up feelings.
Steps toward processing trauma
1. Journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and memories can help you begin to understand them, separate from them, and gain some mastery over them.
2. Break the silence. Share the details of your trauma with people in your life who understand and support you. No one should have to process trauma alone.
3. Limit the time you spend thinking about it. Avoid obsessing, ruminating, and overthinking. When journaling or thinking about the incident, limit the time. Set a timer, go to the gym, and practice self-care. Don’t stress.
4. Work with a therapist. Therapy is a gift you give yourself. A professional can offer guidance, support, and tools to help you heal.
5. Join a therapy group. There are few things as supportive as a room full of people who hold space for your pain and offer loving support. In my weekly therapy groups, we work through unprocessed trauma regularly. People grow faster when they grow with others.
6. Be kind to yourself. You are engaging in deep, emotional work, revisiting a painful time that may have shaped much of your emotional life. Don’t demand healing before you’re ready. Practice kindness and reward yourself.
7. Take your time. Don’t rush the process. There will be days you want to work on it, and days you don’t. Take breaks. Go on vacations. Put the trauma away and revisit it later. There is no reason to feel pressured.