Being strong is not a healthy coping mechanism.
KEY POINTS
- Our most significant moments of growth tend to come when we’re willing to be the first ones to be vulnerable.
- People mean well when they encourage us to be strong when we face challenges, but that effort is artificial.
- Following a few simple steps, you can transform vulnerability into strength and growth.
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The idea that we must become vulnerable to be strong is a paradox. We often associate strength with control or power.
Our most significant moments of growth tend to come when we’re willing to be the first ones to be vulnerable. I have found a willingness to face my weaknesses, often with a dose of humility, allows me to see that I still have room to grow.
Then I can ask myself a critical question: What do I want to put into that room?
Being Strong Is Not a Healthy Coping Mechanism
People mean well when they encourage us to be strong when we face the challenging moments of our lives, but that effort is an artificial construct.
Imagine that your emotions represent a river. Your desire to be strong is a dam you build to control the flow of complex feelings.
On the outside, everything is fine. People see you pushing forward and moving through life, and they admire what they see. I feel good when someone notices this “strength.”
The river doesn’t stop flowing. Unless you keep building that dam higher, it will eventually overflow. What happens then is unpredictable, and no one can keep this blockage in place forever.
It will eventually crumble. It usually happens when we least expect it.
Instead of resisting weak moments, I have learned to embrace them. Those moments can be challenging, but the important thing is to let go of the embarrassment or shame.
When I embrace weakness, I feel peace. I sense love. There is freedom in that decision that isn’t present when my focus is on staying strong.
That’s why I encourage people to do the same. An effort to “stay strong” denies you the feelings your heart longs to experience under those challenging circumstances.
Everything Changes When Weakness Becomes Beautiful
The strongest bonds I see between two people are the ones that get forged when both are willing to embrace their weaknesses and vulnerability with each other. Those moments offer honesty, transparency, and chances to demonstrate loyalty and love.
Is it scary to depend on someone else to show up for us when we reach a weak moment? Absolutely! When I build a dam to be strong, I deny everyone else an opportunity to show up and be there for me.
Without weakness, there is never an opportunity for a relationship to evolve or expand. We think we’re stopping a series of difficult emotions, but what we’re really doing in these moments is blocking love from reaching us from the other direction.
Could I be hurt by allowing myself to show and share my weakest moments? Of course. Hurt people sometimes hurt others, but freed people will help to free others.
You can reach this point by implementing a few simple steps:
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are experiencing. It is OK to feel sad, angry, or anxious.
- Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
- Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. It can be a friend, family member, or mental health professional.
- Take care of your physical health by eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
- Engage in activities that bring you joy and feel good.
- Designate a space in your home or workplace where you can feel safe and calm. Fill it with items that bring you comfort, such as a cozy blanket, a favorite book, or calming music.
If someone has embraced their weaknesses and feels free, they can illuminate that journey for someone else one day.
It is tempting to be strong, but building a dam will not offer a long-term solution. Allowing love to flow freely while embracing each weakness is the only way to move through and grow.
Yours in weakness and strength,
Itai