Differentiate between physical and emotional pain.
KEY POINTS
- Apply the dichotomy of control.
- Don’t demand a perfect solution.
- Apply the problem-separation technique.
An unpleasant and often difficult aspect of life consists of experiencing temporary, extended, or permanent physical pain. As we go through life, no matter how careful we are or what precautions we take, we may have physical pain many times within the course of a month, week, or even day. Unfortunate, yet a fact of being human. The challenge this presents involves learning, at times through difficult experience, the most effective ways to cope.
To address this problem, first apply the problem-separation technique. Differentiate between your practical problem and your emotional problem about your practical problem.
Practical Problem
What is a practical problem? It consists of your challenge, goal, or objective. It may be a short-term or long-term goal.
How to avoid entirely, ease, or overcome pain constitutes a practical problem. Surgery, physical therapy, or taking pain meds can be effective approaches. Fine!
Emotional Problem
Do you feel anxious, depressed, guilty, or resentful about having the pain? Many of my clients have made themselves depressed about this condition. If this is true for you, then you have an emotional problem.
Let’s take an example of how this may come about. Suppose you’ve had an injury that continues to cause pain. Clearly your practical problem consists of how to limit, stop, or distract yourself from your pain. Making yourself depressed about that is your emotional problem. To overcome your depression about your pain apply the Three Minute Exercise:
A. Adversity: I have much pain after my surgery. It makes it difficult to sleep and interferes with my daily functioning.
B. Irrational belief: I can’t stand all this pain.
C. Undesirable emotional consequences: Depression.
D. Disputing or questioning your irrational belief: What is the evidence that proves I can’t stand the pain?
E. Effective new thinking: There is no evidence, logic, or pragmatics that proves I can’t stand the pain. I am standing it. The proof is it hasn’t killed me, although I am standing it poorly by unnecessarily disturbing myself about it. I strongly desire to live pain free, but there’s no reason I absolutely must. Demanding the pain disappear doesn’t help and only makes me feel worse. Even if the pain never leaves me, that would be extremely regretful, but not awful, terrible, or horrible.
F. New feeling: Great discomfort from the pain rather than feeling depressed about it.
Write this exercise one to three times daily to change your thinking from an irrational demand perspective to one of strong preferences and desires. You will see, as you change your thinking, your emotions change.
References
Edelstein, M.R. & Steele, D.R. (2019). Three Minute Therapy. San Francisco, CA: Gallatin House Publishing.