Bossting emotional intelligence enhances well-being, too.
Key points
- It’s hard to manage our emotions. That’s why we end up saying or doing things we later regret.
- Micro-moments of upliftment, breathwork, and self-awareness exercises can boost your emotional intelligence.
Ever reacted to a situation in a way you later regretted? Or sent a message in the heat of the moment you wished you could unsend? We all have. Our emotions can sometimes get the best of us.
When we lack emotional intelligence it can cost us relationships, both at work and in our personal lives. Learning how to manage our emotions with skill is critical to having highly successful relationships. So how can we do that?
Having taught emotional intelligence to thousands of high-level leaders at the Yale School of Management as well as the military, I’ve observed firsthand how emotional intelligence can significantly predict one’s success.
Key elements of emotional intelligence include building positive connections, self-regulation, and self-awareness. In my latest book, Sovereign, I explore science-based strategies to enhance these skills.
In this post, I divulge three simple yet science-backed strategies to help you get started. The best part? They only take a few minutes.
1. Micro-Moments of Upliftment
Have you ever noticed how some people leave you feeling drained—so called “energy vampires”—while others make you feel energized and positive? The difference often boils down to whether you’re interacting with a “positive energizer”—someone who understands the power of small, uplifting moments. Research on positive relational energy shows that people who are good at creating these moments not only boost others’ well-being and vitality but even improve their productivity. They have a life-giving effect.
The good news? You can become a positive energizer yourself. This doesn’t mean forcing cheerfulness or wearing a fake smile. Instead, it’s about genuinely connecting with people through humility, empathy, compassion, honesty, integrity, and forgiveness.
Every interaction you have with another person—whether your barista at Starbucks or a professional colleague—is an opportunity to uplift them. A genuine compliment, a shared laugh, a kind word, or even a simple smile can make a big difference.
The best part? Studies show that not only will the other person feel better, but you will too—if your actions are sincere.
2. Stressed? Get Yourself from a 10 to a 2 in Minutes.
Feeling overwhelmed or stressed? Everyone does at times.
So what can you do in those moments to get yourself from a high stress level (like a 10 on a 1-10 scale) to a much calmer one (like a 2)?
The fastest way to reduce anxiety in the moment, according to our research and studies by our colleagues: the breath.
Studies by our research team and others show that breathing exercises are one of the quickest and most effective ways to manage emotions in real-time. By changing the ration of your inhales to exhales, you can significantly lower your stress levels in minutes.
The key? Extend your exhalations. When you inhale, your heart rate speeds up, but when you exhale, it slows down.
To practice, close your eyes and breathe in for a count of four, then breathe out for a count of eight.
Repeat this for at least two to five minutes.
This practice activates your parasympathetic nervous system, helping your body relax and counteract the “fight-or-flight” response. You’ll find yourself calming down quickly and effectively—and you’ll be in a much better place to handle a stressful situation.
3. Get in Touch with Your Self-Awareness in Two Minutes
Have you ever reacted to a situation at work in a way you weren’t proud of? Or sent an email when you were upset that you later regretted? No matter how successful or accomplished we may be, we all struggle with managing our emotions at times — and suffer the consequences afterward.
Self-awareness is crucial for managing your reactions and improving your relationships. It’s about tuning into what’s happening in your mind and body—taking a moment to reflect and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
Here’s a quick exercise to boost your self-awareness:
- Get Comfortable and Focus Inward. Sit down, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.
- Scan Your Body. On a scale from very tired to very energized, where are you today? Notice any areas of tension or relaxation in your body.
- Evaluate Your Thought Traffic. If your thoughts were cars, what’s the traffic level? Is your mind a bustling highway or a calm country road? Is your mind buzzing or steady?
- Recognize Your Emotions. Are your emotions pleasant or unpleasant? How intense are they?
This exercise helps you quickly assess your internal state and stress levels. It can show you if you’re in a good place to move forward with whatever you’re about to do next. For example, if you’re gearing up for a tough conversation and find yourself feeling tense and distracted, it might be wise to either delay the chat or work on improving your mood first.
Incorporate Regular Practices
Incorporating these techniques into your daily routine can make a huge difference. Another key practice is meditation. Research shows it can significantly improve your relationships. Regular meditation has been shown to enhance brain areas related to self-control, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. Meditation creates more space between your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to respond more thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
By nurturing your emotional intelligence through self-awareness, self-regulation, and positive interactions, you can improve your relationships, boost your overall well-being, and become a more balanced and empathetic person. It’s a win-win.
References
Excerpted with permission from Sovereign: Reclaim your Freedom, Energy, and Power in a Time of Distraction, Uncertainty, and Chaos by Emma Seppälä.