Ben Bernstein Ph.D.

What makes for a “successful” CEO?

Key points

• Stress is not “caused” by outside events.
• Your stress is a function of how you handle challenging situations.
• Train yourself to accept challenges in a calm, confident, and focused way.

Meet Christopher, a seasoned executive whose morning routine sets the tone for a difficult day. “Strong coffee. Check my inbox. Another email from Hal? Don’t open it. A board meeting at 2? Ugh, I’m not looking forward to that.” He glances at his neglected workout gear on the floor. “No time for that.” Another gulp of coffee and a sharp comment to his assistant punctuate his spiraling stress. Absenteeism rises, and corporate growth stalls.

Contrast that with Suzanne, a dynamic CEO thriving across town, sipping green tea. She eagerly anticipates her upcoming meetings. “Let’s see what HR says about those thorny insurance issues. We’ll tackle them head-on. My afternoon looks packed, but I’ll carve out a moment for a quick recharge—I appreciate all the effort my assistant puts into reshuffling my schedule.” The optimistic quarterly forecast brightens her computer screen.

Every tick of the clock intensifies unwanted pressure for Christopher while Suzanne welcomes the challenges ahead of her. One is ensnared in a web of stress, while the other dances through her day with grace and resilience.

What is “stress”?

Most people mistakenly equate “stress” solely with events: the terse interactions, the hectic schedules, and the lingering shadows of declining profits. But stress, in truth, is not the list of daily challenges; it’s the result of how we face those challenges.

To put it simply, stress isn’t about the events themselves; it’s about our reactions to those events. When faced with an unpleasant challenge, our minds may conjure a familiar thread of thoughts: “I don’t like this. Something feels wrong. Why can’t things change?” This inability to accept the moment as it is—that’s the crux of stress. Whenever something must change for you to be happy, you’re making life stressful.

The contrasting responses from Suzanne and Christopher underscore this point. While Suzanne sees her challenges as opportunities for growth, Christopher flinches away from his.

How does a successful CEO deal with challenges?

After 40 years as an executive coach, I’ve consistently observed that the most successful CEOs are those who accept challenges. Note: “Accept” doesn’t mean liking or loving the situation—it means receiving any challenge that arises as it is. When you wish the situation (the challenging person, the tough schedule, the declining profits), was different, you’re struggling against the very challenges you must navigate.

How you accept a challenge is the next step. I train CEOs (and anyone in a high-stress-provoking environment—from ER surgeons to high-stakes test-takers) to be calm, confident, and focused in the face of every challenge.

Picture a sturdy three-legged stool: one leg representing your body, another for your mind, and the third your spirit. Years of performance research have taught us that the optimal stance for peak performance is achieved through this triad.

What does “success” mean for the successful CEO?

Many equate success with wealth, status, and power. But these are fleeting things: You can be filthy rich one day and lose it all the next. Instead, consider a more enduring definition of success: the journey toward becoming the best version of yourself. This is a lifelong endeavor that builds from day to day, with wealth and status as byproducts of a greater purpose.

For the successful executive, this means fulfilling his or her dharma as CEO. The word “dharma” comes from the Sanskrit root “dhṛ” (धृ), which means “to hold,” “to support,” or “to maintain.” For our purposes, it means “that which sustains.” Successful CEOs embody actions that sustain not only themselves but also their teams and organizations

What effect does the CEO have on the company?

Years ago, in my work with executives, I discovered this: the CEO’s personality, strengths, and weaknesses, parlay themselves into every level of the corporation. Look back at the two stories at the top of this post: Christopher’s impatience and distraction seep into his team and business, breeding discomfort and stagnation. In contrast, Suzanne’s calm, confident leadership creates a culture of focused collaboration and value, transforming individual contributions into a collective success story.

A mentor once posed a crucial question: “Are you living in an ‘I’ world or a ‘We’ world?” Living in an “I” world means you consider your own needs first. In an “I” world, self-interest reigns supreme; in a “We” world, community flourishes. The successful CEO cultivates a “We” perspective, recognizing the seamless contributions of every individual—from the executive steering strategic directives to the janitor maintaining a clean workspace.

Above all, the successful CEO understands that their role is not merely to lead but to foster a thriving community that values cooperation over competition. This approach encourages a culture of problem-solving rather than blame, creating an environment where everyone feels empowered to contribute their best.

In this atmosphere of collaboration, the CEO’s practiced calmness, confidence, and focus can become a model for the entire organization. It’s contagious: their teams are inspired to do the same. Suzanne, as a case in point, has created a workplace where employees feel valued, energized, and ready to tackle obstacles head-on.

Ultimately, the tale of Christopher and Suzanne illustrates a pivotal truth in corporate leadership: how we respond to stress profoundly influences not just our personal well-being, but the health of our entire organization. By embracing challenges with acceptance and nurturing a healthy culture of body, mind, spirit, and collaboration, we can not only break the stress cycle but also pave the way for sustained success—both as individuals and as leaders.

In the world of business, it’s not just about the bottom line; it’s about cultivating a legacy where every team member thrives. Let these stories remind us that the essence of leadership lies in our ability to navigate life’s challenges with grace, transforming stress into strength and opportunities for growth.