Sarah A. Benton LMHC, LPC, LCPC, AADC
Twenty years ago today, I woke up from a typical alcohol-induced blackout in an apartment I did not recognize in an unfamiliar Boston neighborhood. I stared at the ceiling with a pit in my stomach, a void in my soul, a dead cell phone battery, and an inner knowing that I would never let myself feel this way again. I gathered my few belongings from the night before and shamefully walked to the Boston “T” to get back home. When I arrived, reeking of booze from the evening before and makeup strewn down my face, I was confronted by two of my female roommates.
This was unprecedented. No one had confronted me before, for fear of my choosing alcohol over them, for being unable to articulate what was “wrong” with me, for confusion around my ability to succeed in most areas of my life while still binge drinking. However, I was ready to hear their concerns and fears genuinely, and after four years of trying to control my drinking, had finally accepted that I was an alcoholic.
Time is a funny thing. It passes slowly when times are tough and moves too quickly when life is smooth. Although I have not drunk alcohol in two decades, images and sensations of the experience are one thought away. That is how powerful our addictions can be. Time does not evaporate the memories, the euphoria, or the freedom… but it does give the space to truly accept the reality—that behind all of the allure that drinking may have presented, there was an ever-present dark side. When the dopamine rush left, the night turned to morning, the music died down, and the crowd left—the reality of my powerlessness over alcohol was waiting for me. It waited patiently for my recognition for 12 years until that morning when my consciousness and the truth collided undeniably.
As a therapist and a woman in long-term recovery, I have had the honor of witnessing not just my growth but that of clients as well. I have heard many recovery stories and attempted to remain teachable. Therefore, one may ask, what has changed, and what have I learned from being sober for 20 years?
Everything.
- Recovery is a lifestyle change, not simply a decision about “stopping drinking.” Alcoholism and any addictive behavior infiltrate every domain of our lives and distort our perspectives when using, and even times when we are not using. Since our brains crave the high, we begin to make small and more significant choices that eventually set our lives up to rotate around obtaining and using the substance. Therefore, when the substance is removed, you learn who you are and what your authentic choices would be. Recovery impacts each life domain just as the substance did.
- Getting sober may initially feel like a punishment, but recovery evolves and transforms into a blessing.
- No one ever regrets getting sober, but many regret continuing to drink.
- Play the tape forward. It will show that having alcohol and obtaining your goals and dreams cannot coexist.
- Getting sober leads individuals to refocus the search for higher levels of consciousness and experience in other areas of life.
- Recovery happens through community and connection—it cannot happen in isolation.
- Getting sober does not make you immune from other issues but gives you the tools and clarity to deal with them.
- Everyone has their own recovery path, and respecting what works for others is essential.
- Even your positive changes may negatively affect others.
- Putting recovery first can be hard to commit to and for others to accept. However, without prioritizing it, other responsibilities won’t be maintained.
- Everyone has the opportunity to be in recovery from “something”—not just those with substance use or addictive behaviors.
- Radical acceptance of having an addiction is necessary to move forward.
- You cannot outthink addiction, and intelligence is often a barrier to seeking help.
- Addressing underlying mental health and other life issues is crucial for emotional sobriety.
- Recovery is a long-term investment in the future. It may have felt like a sacrifice in the short term, but the long-term payout is worth it.
- Drinking is never the solution to any of my problems. It could ease the pain temporarily but would then complicate any situation.
- Cravings are God’s reminders that you are not cured.
- Only those with addictions think that they have not hit a low enough bottom to “qualify.” That thought distortion is a symptom of addiction.
- The secret to long-term recovery is a willingness to recommit, not to do everything perfectly or consistently.
- There is power in the narratives. Those with addictions are some of the most intelligent, dynamic, creative, and passionate people. Connect with stories and identify with emotions.
I have read and listened to hundreds of recovery stories through the years. Writing is a form of self-expression and meaning-making for many. There are power and actual healing properties to hearing and reading these narratives—showing us that there is hope on the other side. These are a few “quit lit” memoirs specifically by high-functioning alcoholics that had great impact for me:
- A Drinking Life by Pete Hamill
- Blackout by Sarah Hepola
- Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp
- Dry by Augusten Burroughs
- Lit: A Memoir by Mary Karr
- Mommy Doesn’t Drink Here Anymore by Rachael Brownell
- We Are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen
References
Chen, P.W. (February 10, 2011). When Patients Share Their Stories, Health May Improve. The New York Times.
Dunlop, W.L. & Tracy, J.L. (2013). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Sobering Stories: Narratives of Self-Redemption Predict Behavioral Change and Improved Health Among Recovering Alcoholics.
Tenety, Elizabeth. (March 3, 2015). How writing can help you reframe your life story and create a happy ending. The Washington Post.
Memoirs listed in text.